A Devil Saint Xmas [Spoof;Open]

[Akuma Shadow]

[Note: Make as funny as you can ^^]

It was the night before Christmas and all through the building not a person was stirring but...isn't that kind of story.

"Damnit!" Shadow shouted as he stuck his thumb in his mouth. "This being the the day before Christmas, you would think that this would bethe least of my problems." He sighed.

"This is Akuma Shadow, 21 years of age and owner of the Devil Saints, a 'odd job' of places. It is the day before Christmas and he has yet made the shop look like it should." he said out loud in the empty store. He sighed again. Just then, Shadow heard the door open, which was a bad thing at the moment because he was by the door on a stool.

"Oh Shit!" he said as he fell on his butt.
"Ow..."

[Hakaisha Abbadon]

Abbadon walked through the snow-covered streets that Christmas Eve afternoon with nothing but his special jacket Maggie gave to him as an early Christmas present, a pair of black slacks, boots, gloves, a black button-up and a scarf wrapped around his neck. He carried a messenger bag on his right shoulder as he headed across the street to the Devil Saint Flower Shop; not necessarily to bring a date to after coming from a Christmas party, hence why he was alone tonight.

After avoiding the fifth car running him down as he illegally tried to cross the street, he finally made it to the front door. He stared back at the last bastard he had to avoid and flipped them off.

"Stay off the Egg Nog, you ass-wipe!" he yelled.

The man in the car - who stopped at a red light - rolled down his window and stared back at Abbadon.

"Fuck you, you jay-walking faggot!" he yelled back before speeding off when the light turned green.

Abbadon's face was filled with annoyance as he sighed in frustration, watching his breath escape his lips due to the cold.

"''Tis the season to be jolly' my ass!" he said quietly to himself.

Abbadon reached for the door, but before he opened it, he saw Shadow on top of a stool looking to be hanging what looked like Christmas decorations.

"Figures he'd be putting up decorations the day before," he said with a chuckle.

That's when Abbadon saw that Shadow's lips were moving. But what was coming out didn't sound like his voice.

"This is Akuma Shadow, 21 years of age and owner of the Devil Saints, a 'odd job' of places."

Abbadon blinked a bit. Not only was he talking to himself, but it sounded like he was narrating.

"What the Hell?" he questioned.

"It is the day before Christmas and he has yet made the shop look like it should."

Abbadon blinked again. "Why does he sound like Morgan Freeman?" he asked.

But, Abbadon tried not to think about the current situation, since whenever he thought about something for too long, his head would start hurting. Instead, he opened the door and stared at Shadow.

"Hey, bro!" he yelled. "Whats with the random Morgan Freeman narration?"

Unfortunately, Abbadon opened the door too quickly and it hit Shadow in the back. Abbadon watched intensely as he saw Shadow fall, moving his head to Shadow's body as an "Oh Shit" left his mouth and he fell on his ass.

"Oh," Abbadon said after a few more blinks from his eyes. And after a pause that would have seemed to imply him helping up his best friend, he said something instead.

"Damn..."

[Akuma Shadow]

Shadow's head made a tilt as he heard Abbadon's voice. "No, I'm okay. I don't need your help up." Shadow rose off his seat, brush him self off and moved his hair away from his right ear. Reviling a blue tooth headset on said ear, he pressed a button on the device and spoke.

"This is Abbadon, one of Shadow's friends. He was the ass-hole that knocked him down, but deep down inside he was a kind friend. He wore the outfit that Maggie have bought him early on today. This was surprise to Shadow only because Runa, Shadow's girl, didn't get him anything and Abbadon didn't give Maggie a time or day."

Shadow pressed the button one more time as he sighed and went to the counter, a look of sadness on him. He then smiled.

"And scene!" he shouted.

[Hakaisha Abbadon]

Abbadon's hands were in his pockets as he watched Shadow pick himself up and as the door closed behind him. It wasn't until he saw Shadow do the "blond hair maneuver" to reveal a bluetooth headset on his ear that Abbadon had to roll his eyes.

Christ, he thought to himself. He's one of the crazies...

That's when Abbadon saw Shadow speak.

"This is Abbadon, one of Shadow's friends," the Morgan Freeman-sounding Shadow said. "He was the ass-hole that knocked him down, but deep down inside he was a kind friend. He wore the outfit that Maggie have bought him early on today. This was a surprise to Shadow only because Runa, Shadow's girl, didn't get him anything and Abbadon didn't give Maggie a time or day."

Abbadon looked around in curiosity, wondering where Morgan Freeman was hiding inside the flower shop.

"Okay," he said. "Where the Hell is that coming from?!"

That's when Abbadon saw Shadow press a button on the piece of technology that makes people think that their talking to themselves as he walked behind the counter.

"And scene!" he shouted with a smile.

Abbadon's right eye started to twitch, now convinced that Shadow was possessed by Morgan Freeman. But then again, he realized that when dealing with Shadow, nothing was that simple.

Nothing...

Abbadon pointed at Shadow with a serious face. "Alright, bro," he said. "How the fuck are you doing this?!"

[Akuma Shadow]

Shadow looked at the scared Abbadon and only blinked twice as he pulled out a small black box out--the size of a Nintendo DS--of his pocket.

"Don't be a pussy about it," he said as he placed it on the counter, "It's a voice changer. It has any voice you want like Morgan Freeman, George Michel, Sam Jackson and many more. Besides, I need help putting up Xmas decor around here and at the moment, you owe me, friend."

He moved over to the the far side of the room and grabbed a random apron, tossing it over to Abbadon's direction without looking.

"You can start by..." Stopping, he then heard the sound of the back door--the door of the Devil Saints-- open and closed. He once again moved his hair away from his ear and pressed the the blue tooth headset button.

"Shadow heard the back door--the door of the Devil Saints-- open and closed. He was hoping that it was Runa with his gift but was sadly mistaken when he smelled the scent of balloon flowers."

[Akuma Sara]

Sara, wearing a red jacket and matching mittens, walked through the doorway with a smile on her face. She, unlike the other leaders, was going out on Christmas Eve. She knew that staying here with Shadow again was going to end up badly and someone losing a life.

"I'm going out big bro!" she shouted as she made her way to the front door. She then stopped and there was a pause.

"Shadow, where are the Christmas flowers?" she asked "You were to put them out already! You are going to have to pot them out tonight." She then looked at Abbadon, "You too, Abbadon. You have to help big brother, got it!"

[Hakaisha Abbadon]

Abbadon couldn't help but to laugh whenever he heard Sara call Shadow "big brother." It always made him think about that annoying kid from that Yu-Gi-Oh anime. But this time, it wasn't the fact that she said "big brother"; it was the fact that she was telling him - no; demanding him - to help Shadow put out Christmas flowers.

Abbadon instantly broke down laughing at the idea of himself handling flowers without giving them to a chick. He even pointed at Sara every time he had the ability to open his eyes again. Soon he was able to calm down with deep breaths as he wiped away his tears of joy.

"That has to be...," he started, "the best joke I've heard all day!"

He turned around and looked at Shadow before using his left hand to ruffle through his hair as he headed toward the Devil Saints entrance.

"Well," he continued, "good luck tonight, bro. I'm going to get a steak from the canteen."

But before he was able to touch the doorknob, Abbadon felt his legs pulled away. He fell and landed on his chin, just inches from the door.

"Aah!!" he yelled. "What the fuck, man?!"

[Akuma Sara]

Sara's right index finger was pointed at Abbadon's feet. She made smirk as she she walked forward, over to the fallen man, and said

"I knew that you would say that. I was not joking. You will help big brother pot all the flowers or I will hold you upside down over a lava pit. Naked." She let go of her hold and went back to the door.

She then stepped on Abbadon's back lightly. "Or should I tell Maggie that your gay? Yes, Abbadon, be afraid for you don't want to fuck with me on a good day."

[Hakaisha Abbadon]

Abbadon was kinda used to threats, so when he heard Sara explain her little lava lure, he was unimpressed. But there was no way; I repeat - no way he could allow his sexuality become questioned to a chick he dug just because he refused to touch some flowers.

"Alright! Alright!" he yelled as a sign for Sara to take her foot off his back. "I'll pot the damn flowers! Shit; if this is a good day, then remind me to take a vacation when you're on your fucking period!"

Abbadon then saw the black box Shadow waved in front of him, supposedly being the box that his Voice Changer came in. He started thinking as he tapped Sara's foot, silently asking her to remove it from his back.

"Hey bro," he said as he stared at the box, "you said that one of the voices in that bluetooth thingy was Sam Jackson...?"

[Akuma Shadow]

Shadow made a slight nod. "Yep. Got it off of ebay fow 100 G's."

Shadow then made a smirk.

"Hey Abbadon, I know a way we can have some fun around here while we pot the flowers. How about we see how many flowers a person can pot. The winner gets to have the voice changer and the loser has clean-up duty for 2-years."

[Akuma Sara]

"Oh, no!" Sara let out as she let her foot go off of Abbadon. "I'm not staying here while you guys do this. This is my happy day and I will not have you two ruin it!" She made her way to the door but not before stating

"If you two Nimrods need me, and you will, call me. Not any sooner or later, when you have that gut feeling that you both of you can tell at the same time, call me." She then grabbed the door knob open the door, exit, then slammed the door leaving the two men in the shop.

Alone.

On Christmas Eve night.

[Hakaisha Abbadon]

Abbadon stood up and watched Sara leave the shop. With her leave, the presence of a smirk appeared on his face as he stared at Shadow.

"I accept your challenge, Akuma," he said. He formed fists with his hands as he stood very triumphant-like. "The bitch is gone, I'm starving something awful, and I'm ready to kick your ass! I did it before, and I can do it again."

Abbadon then started to stare Shadow down, knowing that he was doing the same thing. It wasn't until Abbadon noticed that they were like this for a good five minutes, including blinking.

"So," he said. "Are we going to just stand here and wait for a tumbleweed to past between us, or are we going to get this fucking party started?!"

[Runa Lisger]

With the chime of a bell that accompanied the opening or closing of most store doors, Runa entered the establishment only to see a room full of flowers, her very plucky boyfriend and the new guy--what was his name? Unicron Hakaisha? Something like that.

In any case, the smiles on their faces only spelled doom for the entirety of mankind, and she held up her hands in surrender automatically, revealing her stomach. She had chosen to wear a belly shirt under her winter coat, because the cold didn't really bother her, but now she wasn't too sure if she was in the mood to entice her boyfriend into giving her some attention.

"What are you two boys doing? I thought that Sara wanted these flowers planted, like, two years ago? Why are the two of you still horsing around?" Knowing that she probably had just set off something that would haunt her for the rest of her life, she still refused to leave, and she stood her ground even though she had the feeling that they were about to start a fight right in the middle of a store.

[Akuma Shadow]

Shadow kept his sights on Abbadon as he spoke to his girlfriend that just walked in.

"Not now baby, I have a match to win!" With that last word Shadow rushed over to the first set of flowers and Christmas theme pots--little snow men and a Santa Clause in a snow storm-- and grabbed at least 5 of both of the items. He made his way to the counter that Runa was standing near, giving her a small peck on the cheeks on the way there. He did that for two reasons: 1) The misle toe was up(that being the one thing he meant to put up) and 2) to show off to his rival that he had a girl on Christmas and he didn't.

"Come on Bro," Shadow heckled as he laid the flowers and the pots gently on the counter and gabbed a XXL bag of dirt, "You look like your not moving! Oh wait, your are!"

[Hakaisha Abbadon]

Abbadon gridded his teeth as he saw Shadow rush toward the first set of flowers and the supplies.

"Hey, you cheating wap-bastard!" he yelled. "You didn't give us a signal to start!"

Abbadon immediately ran toward the flowers after Shadow, but not without stopping at the mistletoe hanging above Runa. While it seemed like he was about to kiss her too, he snatched the mistletoe off its wire, threw it down on the floor violently and stomped on it repeatedly. He immediately looked at Shadow with hatred as he pointed at him.

"Fuck you!" he yelled before heading over to the supplies.

He gathered as many flowers, pots, fat pedophiles in red coats and men made out of snow that he could. He ran back to his counter and started to frantically assert the pots and accessories with the flowers, pulling out a bag of dirt from underneath. After quickly yet fancily arranging the thirteen flower pots, Abbadon looked over to see Shadow's progress.

[Tomoshibi Ethan]

As Ethan walked through the door letting the bell ring freely, he noticed Shadow and Abbadon running around like chickens with their heads cut off. "I see you two are at it again, but my question is, why flowers?" As he watched the two race each other he spoke to Runa with great generosity "How have you been? I see Shadow is paying you no attention as usual, typical mindless moron, but he's still my best friend." Ethan smiled as he looked a Runa and waited for a response.

[Akuma Shadow]

Shadow was already half way done, with 3 done, sitting them alond the counter in random order. He made a smirk as he thought to him self, You snoose, you lose...

Though he was a little mad that Abbadon played like a sore loser when he tore down the mistletoe and stomped on it like three year old who didn't get his way, he let it slide. Only for the simple fact that he was winning and was going to keep the voice box changer thing.

Which reminds me.... She dow took his right hand and slid it back once more to press the bluetooth headset button and said in the Morgan Freeman voice

"As Young Shadow hurried to finish his flowers, he looked to his rival Abbadon to see how far away he was."

Shadow did look up but not to see what he was looking forward to. He could only say the words in the Morgan Freeman kind of way

"Oh Fuck..."

[Hakaisha Abbadon]

Abbadon started to laugh as soon as he saw that Shadow only had three flowers planted to his ten. After a point of his finger, he grinned smugly.

"Dude, this is better than that one time with the thing!" he told his supposed best friend. He pointed to himself. "Just face it, bro! That voice changer thing is as good as mine!"

Abbadon kept laughing. It wasn't until he started to smell something funny around him that he broke his laughter and started acting like Wolverine on ex.

"Why do I smell smoke...?" he asked as he looked around himself. Then he looked at his plants and noticed that they were on fire.

"What the fuck?!" he yelled as he tried to stop the flames with a random cloth he found. By the time he was able to stop them, they were nothing but ash. His right eye started to twitch as he stared at the person who could have been responsible.

"Shadow, you confused son of a bitch!" he yelled.

[Runa Lisger]

So much was happening so fast that Runa didn't know what she was going to do with any of the people in the room. In all of three minutes, Shadow had kissed her under a mistletoe that she hadn't known was in place; he and Abbadon had started planting flowers like crazy; Abbadon had apparently ripped down the mistletoe for no good reason; Ethan had walked in asking what was going on when Runa herself didn't even known; and now there were plants on fire. What the hell was going on in this place?

Using her swift, cat reflexes to make her way through the minefield of flowers and dirt and potting utensils and related objects, she made her way to the sink in the back, filling up two empty pots to the brim with water, and, instead of just throwing it on the plants, she poured one on the plants and smashed the second one, pot and all, over Abbadon's head.

"What in the name of the Devil Saints is wrong with the both of you?" she screamed to the top of her lungs. "What are you two doing?"

[Akuma Shadow]

Shadow had stared to break out in laughter as he saw what his index and a small spell had did but it was even more hilarious when his girlfriend not only poured water on Abbadon's plants but smashed the other pot she had on Abbadon's own head.

But hearing Runa screaming for an explanation put a stop to all of that. The fact that he knew Runa well of enough to know that when she screamed like that, it only meant that she was pissed off what was happening. With that in mind, Shadow cleared his throat and smiled to get Runa's attention.

"It is a contest, my dear, for a voice changer that I bought on Ebay. Abbadon wants it, I want it. So we thought that the only mature thing to do was have a good ol' fashion contest of skill, while we pot flowers."

Shadow then turned his eyes on Abbadon, a hint of anger were in them.

"But this Ass is making a fool of himself. Look, he can't even keep his own plants from catching on fire. He knows that I will win and have the girl...." Shadow began to laugh but his laughing was cut short as he ducked from a small snow ball size fire ball.

"You turd!"